11 December 2008

Sudden changes

My parents came to visit this week.  We drove Monday night into the flurries that normally miss us and gathered them up and snuggled down back home.  My son loves them so much and I greatly enjoy seeing them interact with him.  The distance of our homes makes it hard to visit and they are wonderful about flying into our neck of the mountains even if they only stay a day.  Which is what happened this time around.  My dad was not feeling well and needed to get back early to see the doctor.  I've noticed how much this whole Holiday Season has been overflowing with the unexpected.  

I have also noticed how easily I have been getting upset with my toddler.  He really is a sweet and good little guy. Learning and choosing to communicate with sign language, pushing in his chair after asking politely to get down, his infectious laughter and giggles and how he sings and dances to the rhythms he hears.  And yet, perhaps the terrible twos, he throws fits, does not obey all the time( when mommy is really tired and doesn't think she can handle a testing toddler) and chooses to sit in time out or get a spanking.  I do not think I could handle being a single parent.  My husband is wonderful. He stands behind me and tells our son to obey mommy, provides breaks when I am coming apart at the seams and helps with the small things that can just get tiring after doing it all day: changing diapers, getting snacks or drinks etc. 

Truth be told I know a lot has to do with not getting a good night sleep ( for some reason being 34wks pregnant I need practice not sleeping through the night), expecting my child to obey the first time all the time (right before naptime/bedtime is not the ideal time to expect total submission without some tears) and our unfortunate luck that he didn't come with a manual when he joined our family.  ( I'm not holding out for the manual to arrive with our next one in January either) I want to be the nice always smiling mommy who has a plate of goodies and has time to play every moment I am wanted but I must confess for all the see that I am not this magical lady.  I have hard days when I am tired, don't want to cook, fall behind on the laundry (from the usual making it to the dryer and sitting there until it is needed), have little patience for toys all over the place and little ones not wanting to pick it up before they go down for a nap so mommy can have a bit of peace as she sits on the couch with her prego feet up to divert her attention with other people's lives and craftiness for a few precious hours (if I am lucky).  

I am learning... I am willing to change... I am not striving for perfection just a peaceful home and family where we can all love each other in many different ways - giving each other room to make mistakes and have bad days.